Who's Your Daddy (Mommy)?

It's a pretty sad state of affairs when I felt such an overwhelming sense of pride last night at the grocery store because I kept within the budget to the PENNY.

Of course, this is not taking into account The Wretched Grocery Disaster of April 2007, from which forth we will only refer to as "The Incident."

Let's take a walk back in time....

Two weeks ago, my DH hands me the debit card and says, "PLEASE keep it around $210." Sure, I think. I had taken the time earlier in the day to write down all of the things we need (hey, I've been doing the grocery shopping for 8 years, I know everything we need by now). I even divided into separate columns like: Perishables, Meats, Dairy, Non-Perishables, Boxed Stuff, Toiletries, yada yada yada. (Can anyone say OCD?)

There's a place here in Orygon called The Grocery Outlet. They have some pretty amazing deals. I thought: "I'm going to go there first with my little pocket calculator and get the non-perishables and toilietries at a screamin' price, THEN I'll go to the grocery store and get the rest." In my heavily medicated state, I'm thinking: "I'll get ALL this stuff and come home $25-50 UNDER budget and DH will be so happy and proud."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Keep in mind, I tried this tactic once before: we'll refer to it as The Wretched Grocery Disaster of 2004. But, hey, I think, I can do this. I'm smart. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, I've got my little bags of goodies (on which I've saved bundles) but when I get to the car, I realize that I've locked my effing keys inside.

Splendid.

So, I call DH, who's outside and not answering the phone. Tried the in-laws, but their line was busy. So, I find a coat hanger and try to jimmy the lock but with my luck, I can just see myself shattering the window. I give up. Finally DH calls, none too pleased and shows up (again, none too pleased) to unlock the car.

And still, I have to go to the regular grocery store. It is 9pm already. So, I go on my merry way, still (trying) not to let the night's disaster get to me (good luck with that, Jen). I get my goodies at the normal grocery store only to discover I've gone TWENTY dollars OVER budget.

Let's just say DH was even less than pleased when I arrived home and I somehow ended up with less food.

So, yesterday, I went to ONE grocery store, whipped out my industrial sized ten-key and punched in everything as I went. I got oodles and oodles of food and kept it within the budget to the PENNY. Did I mention to the PENNY? The cashier told me I was amazing.

I felt amazing as I loaded groceries into the car and headed home, slapping the dashboard and singing along ala Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire.

I haven't had a lot to feel proud about lately and like I said earlier, this is kinda sad. But, hey I'll take it where I can get it.

One small step of JenKind, one giant leap for Society as a Whole.

Who's Your Daddy (Mommy)?

It's a pretty sad state of affairs when I felt such an overwhelming sense of pride last night at the grocery store because I kept within the budget to the PENNY.

Of course, this is not taking into account The Wretched Grocery Disaster of April 2007, from which forth we will only refer to as "The Incident."

Let's take a walk back in time....

Two weeks ago, my DH hands me the debit card and says, "PLEASE keep it around $210." Sure, I think. I had taken the time earlier in the day to write down all of the things we need (hey, I've been doing the grocery shopping for 8 years, I know everything we need by now). I even divided into separate columns like: Perishables, Meats, Dairy, Non-Perishables, Boxed Stuff, Toiletries, yada yada yada. (Can anyone say OCD?)

There's a place here in Orygon called The Grocery Outlet. They have some pretty amazing deals. I thought: "I'm going to go there first with my little pocket calculator and get the non-perishables and toilietries at a screamin' price, THEN I'll go to the grocery store and get the rest." In my heavily medicated state, I'm thinking: "I'll get ALL this stuff and come home $25-50 UNDER budget and DH will be so happy and proud."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Keep in mind, I tried this tactic once before: we'll refer to it as The Wretched Grocery Disaster of 2004. But, hey, I think, I can do this. I'm smart. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, I've got my little bags of goodies (on which I've saved bundles) but when I get to the car, I realize that I've locked my effing keys inside.

Splendid.

So, I call DH, who's outside and not answering the phone. Tried the in-laws, but their line was busy. So, I find a coat hanger and try to jimmy the lock but with my luck, I can just see myself shattering the window. I give up. Finally DH calls, none too pleased and shows up (again, none too pleased) to unlock the car.

And still, I have to go to the regular grocery store. It is 9pm already. So, I go on my merry way, still (trying) not to let the night's disaster get to me (good luck with that, Jen). I get my goodies at the normal grocery store only to discover I've gone TWENTY dollars OVER budget.

Let's just say DH was even less than pleased when I arrived home and I somehow ended up with less food.

So, yesterday, I went to ONE grocery store, whipped out my industrial sized ten-key and punched in everything as I went. I got oodles and oodles of food and kept it within the budget to the PENNY. Did I mention to the PENNY? The cashier told me I was amazing.

I felt amazing as I loaded groceries into the car and headed home, slapping the dashboard and singing along ala Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire.

I haven't had a lot to feel proud about lately and like I said earlier, this is kinda sad. But, hey I'll take it where I can get it.

One small step of JenKind, one giant leap for Society as a Whole.

Diagnosis: Crazier than a Shit-House Rat

So, for four or five months, I was on this amazing high (natural, of course! Hey, this isn't the 90's, you know). Then I crashed and spiraled into the worst depression of my life. And I've had some doozies, depression-wise.

Go to the doc, say "Hey, bud, let's up the mgs on my anti-depressants, I'm effing miserable here." Then he starts asking about my "moods."

"Moods?" I scoff. "Oh, you mean the relentless highs and lows that are my daily life?"

"Hmm," he mutters noncommitally. "Do you have any family history of [enter random psychosis here]?"

I laugh uproariously. "Are you kidding? I was raised crazy!" I look down at the floor thoughtfully and then glance back up at the good doc. "Well, my brother was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when he was a kid. I looked it up some years ago, but I don't go out and buy random houses and cars, so I didn't think it was an acurate fit."

The good doc laughs. "There are several levels of Bipolar Disorder. I'm wondering, with your mood swings, if you might have Bipolar 2....."

The long of the short of it is that I made an appointment with a psychological network (which is quite frighteningly like its own little city) where I now see a psychologist weekly and a psychitrist bi-monthly. Oh, and not only do I definitely have Bipolar 2 (the milder version), I also have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And I thought I was the normal one in my family. HA HA!

I'm on a crapload of drugs that make me ridiculously tired, regardless of when I take them (at night). I have to drink 2-3 Rockstars a day which helps some. Depression has lessened, but I still am having high days and low days and days when I think the white coats should just take me away.

I don't think my DH knows what to do with me. He, of course, was not raised crazy. Although (HELLO!) he's lived with me for 10 years, so he has to have some idea.

The OCD makes some sense (those of you who are familiar with my psychotic episodes regarding ants will agree, I'm sure).

Guess I just have to be open and wait and see what the Universe has in store for me.

Good times.

At least, for now, today is a GOOD day.

The day is still young, however. :)

Soundtracks to my Novels

I love music.When I was a teenager, I would jack up my "ghetto-blaster" until my bedroom walls shook (a fact that drove my mother crazy, no doubt). I would gather my friends and hit the small venues like La Luna or bigger ones like The Salem Armory to watch my favorite punk and ska bands play.I don't go to concerts anymore, but I still love music. In fact, I love to write to music. Have you heard that Kenny Chesney song, "I Go Back"? If not, the basic premise is that every time he hears a particular song, it sends him back into a memory.There are certain songs that I feel connected to. I'm one of those types who looks for deeper meaning in any song (though I have to admit, there is little or no meaning in rap or pop music IMHO). I love country music because each song tells a story and it evokes emotions that I can relate to.There are also certain songs that I feel are connected to the stories I write. WHEN I become a published author, I'm thinking of posting a "soundtrack" tab on my website, listing the songs that inspired me during my journey of creating these paper people.But, since I'm not published, nor do I have a website, I'll give it to you instead:

First and unfinished novel:

Killing Me Softly by The Fugees
Hazard by Richard Marx
Again by Janet Jackson
Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks
Cowboy, Take Me Away by the Dixie Chicks
Wicked Game by Chris Issac

Second Novel:

Hips Don't Lie by Shakira
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith
How to Save a Life by The Frey
Top of the World by the Dixie Chicks
It's Time (album) Michael Buble

Third Novel:

Afterglow (album) by Sarah McLaughlin
Wreck of the Day (album) by Anna Nalick
Foiled (album) by Blue October

Fourth Novel:

Stand Still, Look Pretty (album) by The Wreckers
The Hits (album) by Garth Brooks
Honky Tonk Badonkadonk by Trace Adkins
When You Kiss Me Like This by Toby Keith
Jagged Little Pill (album) by Alanis Morissette
Under the Pink (album) by Tori Amos